Gadget Ogling: Bacteria-Zapping Toasters, a Clicker for Cortana and Souped-Up Printers

Welcome to Gadget Dreams and Nightmares, the column that dares to venture forth through the desert of the latest gadget announcements to find the oases of impressive ones.

In our watering hole this week are an ostentatious Apple Watch accessory, a toaster for your smartphone (yes, you read that correctly), a standalone Cortana button, and long-lasting printers.

The ratings for each product indicate only how interested I am in using them. Also note that these are not formal reviews, because some items currently exist only as a mirage.

A Watch for Apple Watch

In truth, the Nico Gerard Skyview Pinnacle (pictured above) is more an accessory than a gadget, but it's so repugnant and ridiculous that it's impossible not to include it this week.

Someway, somehow, watchmaker Nico Gerard found it prudent to create a watch that can accommodate an Apple Watch on its band, mounted where the clasp is located. It starts at US$9,300.

I have reservations about smartwatches in general, but the Pinnacle is colossally absurd. It looks ridiculous to have an expensive, standard-looking watch with an Apple Watch tacked on to the inside of the wrist.

Using the Apple Watch in this way would make one look like a latter-day version of TV spy Maxwell Smart talking into his shoe phone.

The Apple Watch is included in the price -- that's a nice little touch, but it's not enough to turn this from ostentatious to classy.

Rating: 0 out of 5 Tedious Timepieces

Toast Away Those Germs

Smartphones are disgusting, caked in bacteria and unseen grime. I know I don't take nearly enough care of my iPhone to ensure it's as clean as it should be, especially when it's stuck to the side of my face several times a day.

One project aimed at making our phones a touch more sanitary is the Green Toaster. Instead of slotting in bread or a bagel, this demands you pop down your smartphone to let it bake in UV light and remove much of that nasty bacteria.

I'm all for finding ways for us all to live more hygienically without compromising convenience, but I have a couple of reservations. First, I can't understand why Green Toaster would need an accompanying app. It should be as simple as placing one's smartphone inside the toaster and letting it do all the work.

Second, I enjoy gimmickry and kitchiness as much as the next person, but does it have to be a toaster? Surely there could have been a better form for this otherwise admirable project, particularly so it could be used on the go, where we are more likely to use those things called "mobile phones." The clue's in the name, there.